DECEMBER 2nd
I woke up at around 8:30, just like I normally would if I was going to work.
The only difference was that panicked lurch out of bed to look at the alarm clock, followed by the realization that I wasn't going to work today, or tomorrow for that matter. I then sunk back into bed, grabbed the remote control and watched some morning TV in hopes to distract myself from the sickening feeling that hounded me most of yesterday.
Kelly Ripa and Michael Strahan keep me busy until I decided to make some breakfast. By 10 a.m., I was now sitting at my computer, determined not to waste another day. I decided to pull out my monthly planner and look at what I had been putting off for the last three years or so. As it turns out, there's quite a lot there.
For starters, I had not updated since October. That's a big oops. Secondly, my planner was going to run out at the end of the month. So, I started a list of things needed (and/or wanted) and a planner for 2015 was on top of the list.
Next up was updating the old resume. I had put together a resume a couple of months ago when I was in the process of interviewing for a new job, but I needed to overhaul it because it was directed right at my previous employer and the job I was applying for.
Some cutting and pasting here and there, plus the required spell check to ensure that I'm not going to put something online with spelling errors, and I was done with my resume right at lunch time. Well, what used to be my lunch time.
During my lunch breaks I always make a point to contact my mother by phone.
My mother is older, and due to the recent events that have taken place in the past few years (death of my father & my brother's suicide), I make sure I talk to her at least twice a day. I talk to her three times on Saturday and Sunday. She lives by herself in my hometown, with my younger brother still there and just a phone call away if she needs something.
She's very happy with being independent, but she also loves to have company as often as possible. I try to visit with her at least once a month for a weekend. It's not a long drive to get there, and once I'm there she's free to truly relax and not worry about the usual things such as feeding her cats or taking out the trash. That's what I'm there for.
Now that I'm unemployed, the first thing I was certain not to do was let on to my mothers that I was out of a job. My mother is a "worry wart", so with the Christmas season just around the bend, there was no sense in putting a big piece of coal in her stocking. Let's just continue to call her at the same time each day, and when I do have the new job, then we tell her.
We have the same routine each phone call: how are you?, what is for lunch today?, how are the fur balls (cats)?, are you taking your medicine?, and so on. I try to ensure that the phone conversation lasts for at least 5 minutes or so. Sometimes, when she is tired, she'll tell me up front that she's about to take a nap. That's her nice way of saying "I'm glad you called, but I want to go to sleep now."
Today was a good day, so with that in mind I told her I loved her and that I'd talk to her this evening at the usual time (usually around 7 p.m.; 'The Truth' about my predicament can wait for another day.
The Truth is a delicate subject for me. In the past, I was less that honest to a number of people in my life, and that caused a large amount of strife and broke up some friendships and relationships as well. In the past I was a rather untrustworthy person. I'm not proud of that.
I have a "Commit to Honesty" paradigm that is stuck to my wall - it's a badge of courage from a few years of work-sponsored therapy sessions which helped me become a better person. Sometimes being honest is the right thing to do, but it certainly isn't going to make the receiver of the honesty the happiest of people.
The Grind for me is the extended period of time you are without a job. It's one thing to be out of a job for a couple of weeks, but once you reach Day 21, it's officially a grind to get anything done.
You start your new found time off in the 'holiday' mode: you get up whenever you want, you do pretty much whatever you want, and you spend about 1-2 hours each day searching the internet for jobs at the popular job sites. Once Day 21 arrives, that all changes.
On Day 21, your alarm clock now has a thin layer of dust. Heck, it might even be blinking from the last power outage. You're only brushing your teeth when you have to leave the house to meet someone. You're wearing your pajama bottoms around the house 24 hours a day. You've officially entered The Grind.
Of course, being that it's just Day 2, I'm definitely going to get a job before The Grind sets in, right? Right?!?
Well, not exactly.
With Day 2 coming to a close, I look back at what I did accomplish today and what I want to do tomorrow. One thing that immediately sticks out was to make use of my benefits, since they were going to end on 12/31. So, I made a doctor appointment and a dentist appointment for this month, and crossed that off of my to do list.
After checking in with my mom in the evening (while still playing the part of the gainfully employed), I sunk into bed around 10:30 p.m., and decided to call it a day. Tomorrow had to be better, it just has to be.
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